Ever had one of those days? The dog’s been sick, there’s a mystery leak dripping through the kitchen ceiling, and just as you’re finally leaving home you discover your bike’s got a flat tyre.
Or, your beautiful project gets trashed by trolls on twitter, half the finances fall through, and your boss or client suddenly wants twice as much output in time for their end-of-year performance review.
Bad days will happen, even to the best of us. We’ll deal with them better if we have some resilience strategies up our sleeves.
Here are three ways to pick yourself up and show the day who's the boss:
…and that’s good news because…
Chain of pain - are we focusing on the right problem?
Both, and
...and that's good news because...
This is about finding the gift in the problem. Whatever the bad news is that you've just had, experiment with adding "...and that's good news because...". As they say, it's an ill wind that blows nobody any good.
The dog's been sick > and that's good news because > the new vet is cute and I'd like an excuse to call them.
There's a mystery leak > and that's good news because > I hate the colour of the ceiling and now I will have to repaint it.
My bike's got a flat > and that's good news because > I can try out my new inner-tube mending skills.
Tip: this is easier to do with someone else's problem, because you have more emotional distance and aren't stung by the unfairness or angry with whoever's to blame. You'll be more creative. It's great to build up your 'good news because' muscles before you need them. But: don't just tell other people why their problem is actually good news, unless they explicitly ask you to. It can compound their feelings of being unsupported. Hear their hard luck story first and show you understand. Don't just jump to problem-solving mode.
Chain of pain - are we focusing on the right problem?
This is a great analytical tool.
Whatever the 'presenting problem' is, consider a few links in the chain in both directions. Why is the problem happening? Why is it problematic?
For example:
By tracing the causes and the implications up and down the chain, you can spot which one you really need to focus on. Depending on who you are, your role or competence as a person or organisation, it may be that you decide to focus on your own immediate emotional response - 'makes me feel terrible' - or on the wider fight-back by fossil fuel interests. You might even find a 'good news because' reframe hiding in the chain somewhere.
Both, and
When the problem is one of conflicting outcomes, solutions may be easier to find if you 'chunk up' and recognise that any solution needs to meet both outcomes. This avoids having the potential solutions fight each other.
I have a beautiful project BUT the half finances have fallen through
The solution needs to
Keep what makes the project great AND not depend on money we don't have
Practice
It gets easier with practice, so try them out now, using these real problems offered by people in a workshop I ran:
Unpredictable bridge closures when boats need to pass.
Ran out of milk.
It's raining but the dog needs a walk.
Mice chewing the cellar walls.
I'm cold!
Gutters are blocked.
Making the Path by Walking
This post was first published in July’s Making the Path by Walking newsletter. Scroll right down to subscribe.